A Wish List (for adoption support) by Helen Oakwater

First published in 2003 as chapter two in "Models of Adoption Support: What works and what doesn't."

Sadly it's still very valid today.

The Cost of Trauma (Helen's most downloaded article)

Early intervention is cost-effective and morally right. First published in April 2008, this article demonstrates the cost-benefit of early intervention. Although the actual costs have changed the principles are equally valid today. A decade later the child in this case study did not have a good outcome. 

Invisible Wounds Don’t Stop Hurting

By comparing and contrasting two different parents (including “a mother like Alex”) the challenges of parenting attachment disordered children become clear. Both the financial costs and emotional costs are compared

Facebook: direct contact with no safeguards (Part 1)

First of two articles published in 2010 exploring the threat of Facebook, what’s happening plus the link to identity, teenage angst and loss of control when birth family enter adopters homes via the internet.

The Impact of Toxic Parenting

Based on Susan Foreward’s 6 categories of toxic parents (inadequate, controlling, alcoholic, physical, sexual & verbal abusers,) this article steps into the childs shoes and highlights the distortions it creates plus tools for healing.

Edinburgh Festival for a week?

Helen reflects on the different interactions between “normal” and “traumatised” children with their families at a festival. Trust, responsibility, therapeutic reparenting and prioritising the need of children.

Nothing But the Truth

Neglect as a traumatic experience. Sensory triggers, metaphorical shrapnel, trauma triggered behaviour, bubble wrap and need for coherent narrative.

Mind Your Language!

Words have a big effect. Examples of how to be clearer with your communication to assist your child achieve better outcomes and reframe events.

Jigsaw of truth: why, what and how?

Children need to know their history, it shapes how they see themselves, hence key to their identity. Life story ‘work’ must honour the child’s somatic (body) experiences and memory.

Valuing Our Needs

Our needs and values affect our motivation and behaviour. Children whose early developmental needs were not met have an emptiness inside. Often their ‘nonsensical’ behaviour is a window into their inner turmoil and deficits, if we can read the cues. Maslow and Barrets models illustrate the concepts.

Increase the flow with a SUD

Being in the flow is a useful state. Reduction of anxiety by increasing skills and a method of measuring “Subjective Units of Distress” which can help children callibrate hurt, pain and trauma. (Part 1 of flow articles).

Are you a boiled frog?

Maintaining one’s identity is vital to keep self-concept strong. Boredom stems from the repetition of events, even being stolen from. With sufficient skill; flow is possible. (Part 2 of flow articles).

Robust matching for permanence

Criteria for matching a child to a new set of parents is often vague and subjective. We need robust measurement and techniques that will enable placements to last.

Why are these children any different?

Written primarily for teachers this article explains why and how children who have experienced maltreatment and neglect have a legacy of trauma which impacts their ongoing life.

What the **** was that about?

ONE of the many challenges adopters face is not understanding the reason their child suddenly ‘goes off on one’, i.e. flips for no apparent reason.

Logical Levels

AS adopters we hear enlightened therapists say “Their behaviour is not the problem – it’s the answer to the problem”.

Is this what I expected?

During the drafting of this article, I had an ‘interesting Sunday’, which for me illustrated how the complexities of adoptive parenting change as our children grow older.

Expectation, reality and time travel…

When my children were placed in the early 1990s I had a view of how my life would be as a mother. I anticipated some things; however….

Help! What Type of Support Does This Child Need Right Now?

This article offers a cohort of models, criteria and methods of supporting a dysregulated child in that moment and enhancing their future. By combining Logical Levels and the Coach to Awakener framework with the Window of Tolerance stress test model, a strategy evolves. Even though we're just focusing on the chronologically young, this framework is equally valid and useful for adults.